I had many good intentions to get some work done when I stumbled upon a blog purportedly written by a cat. Now, the internet has loads of things to offer, but I had never suspected that cat blogs (and presumably dog blogs, hamster blogs, tortoise blogs etc.) might have proliferated so much. Well, perhaps I should have been warned, given the success of a little book called I Can Has Cheezburger Now?
“Who reads these things?” I said, even as I continued to peruse it. An hour later, having bounced from one cat blog to another via pictures of cute animals, I had to admit defeat. The cat blog is a brilliant idea and if only I could get away with it, my life would be much easier. Now, I don’t currently have a cat, but I have had one in the past. Along with several dogs, rabbits, hamsters, fighting fish, tortoises and various birds. I don’t know what my parents were thinking, but I shall always be grateful for a childhood filled with animals (the only one they refused was an exotic black and white rodent known as a Japanese dancing mouse).
In any case, what I noticed was that:
- All cat blogs seem to have a similar persona. That is, an unreliable sort of feline who refers to humans as “servants” or “minions”.
- It is perfectly acceptable (even expected) for the cat blogger to make irrational demands for food, playthings, and the right to sit on your head.
- The cat blogger never has to worry about spelling or grammar, as any combination of letters will serve as long as it gets the point across. Thus, something like “no mor cat fud, fool!” is considered a reasonable reminder to go grocery shopping.
- Finally, the cat blogger delivers all communications as a rant.
Put together, this was beginning to sound like a rather attractive package to me. For example, on days when I was frustrated from doing traffic duty at my kids’ school, I could post a picture of an angry cat saying “I iz running u over with my lawn mower, if u iz not staying on the crosswalk!!” If I didn’t feel like cooking dinner, then I could send my husband an email with a plaintive cat saying “Pleaz giv me sushi tonite.”
Broadening the horizons, I wonder if my agent will allow me to write cat books instead. Unfortunately, given the short feline attention span, they would probably be one line novels like this:
On existential angst (with bonus reading guide): “Mous iz my frend but I haz eaten him. Discuss.”
Clearly, there’s lots of potential here, but I think I may have give it a pass. Not least because it’s going to be hard to keep coming up with cat pictures if I don’t have one at home. And since our household has severe cat allergies, it doesn’t look like it will happen soon. However, please don’t be alarmed if you occasionally find posts written by “Yangsze Mew”.
Photo credit: Photo 1: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/ginger%20cat Photo 2: http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/cats/images/935656/title/funny-cat-pictures-photo
Wud u reed a cat blog?
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